Me VS Perfect Mama
Seriously what is it with these stupid moments I get every now and then. I become so tired and overwhelmed. Everything seems impossible and I get so disappointed about what I’ve accomplished so far. It’s such an awful feeling that I can’t quite shake off.
I look back at the past year and I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything worth mentioning yet if I really think of what we went through just in the past year the list becomes pretty long.
I like to think of myself as a hard working person.
I made many sacrifices in my life and worked towards my goals with pride because I knew I was doing the best that I could.
Why does taking care of your child feel so different than? Why do I carry this guilt around? Why is this guilt always present like a predator ready to attack at the first opportunity?
It’s annoying, upsetting and unsettling! Why are these emotions so predominant when it comes to being at home with your child.
The simple process of learning how to take care of them is exhausting to say the least. And most of the times you have to figure things out on your own because every child is unique and their needs vary based on their character.
It’s an emotional roller coaster this parenting thing.
Without taking into account the working from home portion of the equation. I go from being happy that I’m finally doing what I wanted to do, and I FINALLY had the balls to do it, to doubting that I’ll ever make it!
Will I ever prove to the world and to myself that I’m more than just my previous job? That I’m capable of so much more. That I’m meant to do this! That I’m actually good at what I’m doing and that its so rewarding. Every follower every engagement that happens is because of the effort we are putting into it. Every page like is a confirmation that we’re doing the right thing and that by doing this we are providing some help, if not as experts (which we’re not), as fellow mamas. We provide comfort and support to whom like us find that motherhood is hard.
The pressure is ON all the time, like a broken button that you can’t switch off.
The worst part is that you catch yourself always comparing your “job” to other moms… and guess what! They always WIN. They’re always better. They can accomplish so much more.
Now explain to me how do you accomplish so much in a day? That I can’t even find the time to take a quick shower????
It drives me nuts. I hate you YOU PERFECT MOM
Just tell me your SECRET already so I can catch up because I got left behind.
I go through this roller coaster ride every so often and just like magic this mood vanishes and my feet touch the floor again and my balance is back. I don’t feel overwhelmed anymore. And the secret to feel NORMAL again is to just list what my accomplishments are. Almost as a reminder of why I’m AWESOME. I start with small things (Ex: I made my daughter smile and that felt good). I concentrate on the warm feelings these thoughts bring to me, and I keep working my way through this list until I start believing again that I’m a good MOTHER. My strength is back and I’m ready to conquer the world.
And that’s when I tell the PERFECT MAMA be ready because I’m coming after you and this time I’ll catch up to you!!!
Until the next fall…
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