Inside a daddy’s brain to help other dads dealing with a newborn
This post is for you.
Today we’ll give you some insight on what goes on inside a papa’s brain the first few months of his child’s birth. And mamas, we have an opportunity as well to understand what daddy really feels while we go trough the shitstorm that hits all of us the first months.
When asked about his feelings in the first few months of his child’s birth this dad made pretty clear that he felt overwhelmed and ecstatic all at the same time.
It’s very difficult to be in their position because they want to help but don’t know how. It’s all new and to top it all off the mother is so defensive about the child that he finds himself in the position to having to back off. This doesn’t mean they don’t care, he explains but it’s done out of respect and understanding.
New mothers often feel that the responsibility of caring for their child is solely on their hands and to a certain extent they push everybody away in order to protect the little one.
At this point papas, understanding the need for the mamas to bond with the little one, will give them some space and try to help in different ways that don’t necessarily involve the baby.
Daddy feels the need to protect his partner and his main focus becomes providing for them both.
He concentrates on preparing meals for her and attending to her needs instead of the baby’s. This choice is also caused by the fact that the mother is very “Hormonal” in the first few weeks and every suggestions he makes are taken as an insult to her as a mother. Finding himself to be walking on egg shells constantly he feels forced to distance himself from bonding with his child.
After giving the mother the time and space to create the connection with the baby, and playing in the outfield for the first few months, daddy can finally approach and try to create a bond with his sweet little pumpkin.
So his best advice to other daddies is to be patient and try to understand that it’s very hard for both mothers and fathers.
Mothers go through childbirth that leaves scars on them physically and it leaves them emotionally drained. Add to the mix the residual hormones from the pregnancy (PMS is nothing in comparison my friends!), the overwhelming learning there is to do, the sleepless nights and you got yourself a nice monster to deal with!!!
So be patient, supportive and understanding. It will get better he promised.
Try to help however you can and communicate with your partner. Let her know how you feel and acknowledge how she feels. Communication is the key to success. If she asks for help don’t hesitate. Participate however you can because even if she doesn’t show you her appreciation, she actually appreciates every effort you make.
And if you do find yourself in a heated discussion with your partner (And you will that’s GUARANTEED) remember that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. It’s all a temporary situation… Eventually you will enjoy it and look forward to spend some time with your baby.
Illustrations by Alessandro Piedimonte
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